Sigh!

As we plan for our wedding ritual,
I find that everyone has an opinion
but no advice -- given only to 'you can't do that.'

Part of me says, "Why should it matter if I wish to wear a Lava-Lava,
and a sword, and a Cross of Jerusalem and a carry a wizard staff?"

Yet, it is all for m'lady Em, isn't it --
-- no matter our eclectic our views --
we have guests to welcome.

so I ponder ...

HUMAFLUVIA

3:00 AM! How peaceful it is. The silence almost thunders in its intensity. I stretch my mind out for the tiny indications of human existence all around. They are there, certainly. Tick, and bonks and swishes - even a train's movement in the distance. I wrap myself in the security of humanity's faint brush. No - not humanity. This touch of human, physical reality is something else - 'humaffluvia' perhaps. I crave humanity and instead seek only ephemeral human 'stuff'. Strange.
It should be a good time to sit down on my cushion, ring a gong and drift into some centering prayer. Nope! My mind is racing, filled with the "monkeys" of Saint Theresa. Why can't I sleep? What draws me out into the semi-silence of this troubled world rather than enjoying much needed rest? Who calls? Is it you Lord - is there something you want me to do?
Other than the usual, I meant. Let's see now:
"thy will be done" - but you want me to figure it out, right?
"appreciate the bread and other gifts you give" - I appreciate too much - look at me.
"forgive us our trespasses, or debts, or whatever - and I'll learn and follow your example" - You're in charge of mercy and the best I can do is charity. Don't know how I'm doing there. I sense that real charity doesn't have much to do with money, but don't always know what to do.
"forgive others who have sinned against us." - no ready quip. I guess that's it. Somebody needs my forgiveness and I haven't given it. Humm …. I try each day to reach out with love to my brothers and sisters. I strive to embrace humanity without judgment - none of that dividing into good and evil stuff. I smile and wave and whistle and hold out my hand - doesn't work always.
You know that I pray for guidance and simplicity. That centering stuff is hard and maybe I want that unitive experience too much - keep slipping into intuition or whatever. My emotion takes over and I must write a song or poem or prayer or story. All humanity out there needs help and love and comfort - maybe just a prayer. Why can't I get it right? I get so caught up in the doin', doin' part, and reaching and caring that I forget to really love, I guess. Or is that love? Help me here. I'm only human. But you chose to be that too, so it can't be all bad.
I give up. Here is the sunrise - looks great. Good job Lord!
Help me please. Who am I supposed to forgive?