Humbled again

This mornings meditation started out with unsettled feelings. Something deep inside was bothering me. Slowly a knowingness came over me. I was bothered by my humanness. My ego had surfaced. One of my main goals in entering the monastery was to always be humble and to ignore that others would read my words. To reach into SELF I knew I had to place ego aside and speak only with my truth. But then I read that Heather has publicly published my words and I run off to take a look. AHA..Ego looms its self centered head. Of course I had to reread my words.
I also thought I had written from my soul but then the last sentence loomed in my mind. "I search for truth. " Yes, that is a noble endeavor, but honestly it was not the truth. It was a zinger sentence, a dramatic ending, a way to finish with a cliff hanger. I feel ashamed.
I did my search for spiritual truths when I was in my thirties, and at that time. After months of reading, thought, debate, and meditation, I came to the conclusion that there are no universal truths. The very word Truth has to be provable and with no exceptions. Although I do believe: "Thy shall not kill; , if my children were threatened by a killer or rapist I would kill. The fact is "Truth needs to be proved. but faith is believing in the unproveable." I am now humbled.
And now I know I must once more empty. With that thought I receive glimpses into my next art work. I love the work of Feininger, and in the 70s’ I did an art work inspired by one of his diagonal thrust drawings. It is the green one on my blog. I am going to in some way incorporate it in the background and place ancient pots in the foreground. I do not know the medium…..perhaps with cloth…..perhaps more fusion…,,,,."
Ok, that is enough of that Jane. Your meditation is over. Go create.""