The Face of Selective Mutism
This is my precious little girl. Today she was afraid to go to school....again. She hid in her closet and and wrapped her arms around her desk when I tried to persuade her to "try again" to go. Selective Mutism in a nutshell is an anxiety disorder that doesn't allow my daughter to speak outside of home. She is literally "scared silent". There are good days and bad days and right now we are in bad weeks. She has rarely, if ever, spoken aloud at school. For her this began at age two and it has been a long, slow climb to help her come out of her shell as far as we have. I am bewildered and sad right now because she has taken a dramatic step backward for no apparent reason (trust me I asked her more than once). We have specialists both inside and outside her school working with us to help her. I know she will beat this one day, but for now I feel helpless to help her and ache for her pain and fear because I had a milder version of it when I was a child. When she is home (her safe zone) she is happy, lively and extremely talkative (making up for lost time I suspect). She is bright and artistic and downright bossy and I love her. I pray things will get easier for her one day soon.
Bobbi
posted by Okanagan Valley Garden @ 9:35 AM
18 comments
The 
18 Comments:
Oh, Bobbi ...
This is something I never heard of before and am glad you have brought this to my attention. What a powerful photo and piece. I will pray, and I don't just say this lightly - I mean it from the bottom of my heart.
Lots of Love, Patricia
Hi Patricia,
Thank you for your kind words and prayers. I'm in the middle of a pretty tough time right now which is why I haven't been posting.
I had never heard of Selective Mutism either until Megan stopped talking when she was 2 1/2. Upon reflection I realized that I was similar when I was a child (thank goodness you can't shut me up now).
Over the last couple of weeks our support circle of experts has increased and I hope that we can get her through this bumpy time. It looks like she most likely is battling separation anxiety and Social Phobias which elevate the mutism. With Megan you just never know...she may go happily to school on Monday.
http://parentpals.com/gossamer/pages/Detailed/1405.html
hugs and thanks,
Bobbi
This is something I have never heard of either. I, too, will be saying prayers for her recovery from this devastating phobia.
Vi
Dear Bobbi,
What a sweet, beautiful daughter you have; how you must hurt for her. Would home schooling be counter-productive? How is she if people visit with you? Thank God, you know that you recovered from this.
I will pray that Megan will soon be able to overcome her fear of speaking. Hang in there Mom.
Prayers and blessings to you both.
Oh Bobbi! Your precious girl is most certainly not being wilful. Selective mutism is a terrible disorder and I realise that my daughter had a very mild form of it when she was little. I doubt that your little one could even begin to explain what she is afraid of. Maybe there are clues within her drawings. Schools are such institutions and they can be soul destroying. Many people never thrive in them. Maybe some time out home schooling, and a slow reintroduction at a later date could be the answer. I am certainly no expert but my heart does go out to her.
Bobbi - This is one of the most expressive, meaningful, eloquent photographs I have ever seen in my life. It so perfectly tells the story. Perhaps it does not define “Selective Muteism” but it tells the story of a child who is suffering. It breaks my heart. I have suffered from anxiety disorder, I know the black claws of panic, I know what it is to feel terrified, like you are going to fly into pieces and know that the “reason” makes no rational sense. I taught a child with Selective Mutism, though the lingo called it something else at the time. I remember her fear and my anguish in trying to let her know that she was in a safe environment, when something, obviously, was telling her just the opposite. I remember her mother crying and saying, “she is so bright, so happy at home.” I did home visits and found this to be true. She was a different child and she accepted me there with happiness. It wasn’t me she was afraid of, but that didn’t change anything. My gut said, ‘let her stay here where she is happy,’ the literature said otherwise. I knew the truth was that neither my gut nor the literature understood at all. No one did.
There is this: your child has an advantage that many in her situation don’t have and that is you. I am sure that she feels your understanding, compassion and love through the fear, surrounding her as she suffers. In the long run, in the end - it will be what makes the difference between something difficult that is worked through and resolved and something life crippling and incapacitating. My prayers are also with you and your daughter. I believe I will always be haunted by this photograph . . . the depths of its darkness are relieved only by the sympathetic care I hear in your voice. I know that in the end, that light will win out over the shadows.
Hi Bobbi,
My heart goes out to your little girl. Growing up can be so difficult. She is in my thoughts and good wishes.
Hi Bobbi,
I join with all the others who have posted their comments about your daughter. My heart goes out to you both as well.
Thanks to you all. Your comments have helped me feel like I am not dealing with this alone.
I posted a little thank you on the yahoo group site the other day as well. Meg will probably be home from school for this upcoming week too. She is on anti anxiety medication now as she can no longer beat this alone, and we are waiting the recommendations from a board of 'experts'.
An interesting thing has happened as well. I always get the kids to have a shower or bath on Sundays..now Meg cries about having a shower because she is associating it with going to school the next day. I am watching this closely because I don't want her starting shut her world down even more than it already is.
I'll keep you posted.
hugs,
Bobbi
Hi Bobbi
I also have a daughter with selective mutism, and while her symptoms are not as severe as your daughter's, I
understand the anguish involved in everyday tasks that are so easy for other children. My daughter is in fourth grade, and we have finally found a therapist to work with her who may be helpful.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope this is helpful, coming from another mom who knows exactly what you are going through.
If you would like to talk more, reply to my post, and maybe we can exchange e-mail addresses?
Hugs
Lori
Hi Bobbi,
I believe I grew up with a very mild case of this and also raised a daughter with a very mild case. My anxiety continued into adulthood. What really helped me was to attend a class with people that were also dealing with anxiety and panic. I wasn't so afraid to talk in a group situation that I knew the people were understanding and sympathetic. I still have a hard time talking in a group in some situations but now I accept myself more knowing I'm not the only one in the world that feels this fear. My daughter is now 21 and doing very well. She came through her shyness and fears much quicker than I did. I wish you well and know everything will be fine.
Hey Bobbi,
I can completely understand how your daughter must feel right now. I too grew up with an extreme case of Selective Mutism. I can remember waking up on my own and crying because I knew what was coming next. I would hid from my parents until they found me and took me. I never talked to anyone, ever, except my Family. The school I went to even threatened my Mother that they would no longer be able to have me attend there, and she had to video tape me as proof, at home that I was capable of normal things. It is a very complicated thing, and I feel deeply for you and daughter.
I cant remember anything ever making me feel better as a child about attending school, but I know my Mother did the right thing in not homeschooling me. I am so much better then I was back then, and all it took was the kindness of one girl in the sixth grade. Always encourage her and let her know you love her before you drop her off. I pray that she will meet the special someone who will 'unlock' her shell. She sha'll be in my mind and my hopes.
Good luck to you both.
Bobbi-
I can say from personal experience that Selective Mutism is a very scary disorder! I had it when I was about 4 years old. My parents had me on anti-depressants for 1 in a half years. I am so much better now and I love to go to school! (Although, I still get overly anxious for speeches; but doesn't everyone?)
I wish for the best for your daughter as I went through the same thing.
- Elizabeth
My son has selective mutism. We actually had to admit him, short term, to a child adolescent mental health center. He was there for 3 days. It was the darkest hour in our lives.
Unfortunately, no one here knew what it was and still very few do. Our son was labeled as oppositional/defiant, psychotic, aspergergerss. To name a few. The school tried to "categorize" him as special needs. Thought no one could tell what his needs were.
Just like your child, my son's problem manifested when he started school. In our home he was just like any child. We went through all of the intrusive questioning... was my pregnancy normal, his birth?, was there any new traumas in our hone? did my husband and I fight a lot? Di my other 3 children have similar problems?
The school staff pushed and pushed hoim until the anxiety was so great that he had a "break" he felt so threatened by a teacher standing over him and threatening him with phsycial intervention that he kicked th eteacher. Now one must consider that my son was labeled as being oppositional/defiant and was put in a class of 5 other children, all with oppositioanl/defiant disorder. In this class room the children are deprived of certian stimuli. My son was put in this room. I had taken him to several outside thrapists, counselors. No one could help us.I have learned to thank God that he had a "break" and that prompted us to admit him. It was during his admission that a real child psychiatrist evaluated him and rendered her diagnosis
Once we had thishis life and our family's began to improve
I ma a l;iscensed health care professional and I had never heard of this disorder. I was opposed to medicating my child with anything other than an poccasional antibiotic or tylrnol. Upon learning that Selective mutism is an anxiety disorder, I allowed my son to take a very small dose of an antianxiety medication. It made such a defference. I took him off it, against medical advice after about 1-2 months. He continued to have some minor problems, but with the right psychiatric intervention and a "backing-off" by the school, my son was able to "re-learn" his social anxiety coping skills.
He is now in 7th grade and is doing well. He continues to have "moments" but has done an about face.
I like the box of markers and crayons and things. She does look pretty sad in that pic. Reminds me of me when I was little.
Bobbi, Thank you for sharing your story. My family just found out that our 4 year old daughter has selective Mutism. It was a bitter sweet when we found out last week. Yes we now have a name and can start educating ourselves but it's her teachers and the random people that we run into that have me in tears. So many people label my daughter as rude or snobby when she dosen't say hi. And her teachers take her lunch away and try to "cure" her with tough love. I do have a question for you...Please don't feel like you have to answer, but I'm torn on the issue. My daughter is 4 and weighs 36lbs the Dr. would like to but her on Prozac. What are you thoughts should I try a few things before meds or have you seen/heard good things about going on Prozac so young.. Thank you
Jennifer
Hi Bobbi... my son is 5 and has selective mutism too. This morning his therapist went to visit him at his school. I called her later to ask how it was. Her description of my son broke my heart in many pieces. School is supposed to be where kids are happy playing around...but he is so anxious, he just sits/stands/does what he is told to do with a blank stare/frozen look on his face. The other kids have been good--asking him once in a while how he is and stuff...teacher is kind to him... but he is just too anxious. It breaks my heart...so I feel you when you posted the story on your daughter.
I too pray everyday that my son will conquer his mutism... and my prayers goes to you and your precious little daughter too
Thanks Bobbi-
I know exactly how you feel. My 5 year old is exactly the same..I felt like I was reading my own story (though written much more eloquently than I would have been able to write!). I hope next week is a good week.
What can be said...this disorder stinks and so few people understand it. It is frustrating and bewildering for parents and so painful for kids. Best wishes to you and your daughter. With sympathies
Hilary
Post a Comment
<< Home